the Fragmented Self . . . Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

by awareness ~ July 29, 2008

Here I am setting in Ojai, gazing out the window at an expanse of green leaves.

The air was smoky last night, due to the large fire about fifty miles east of here.

Gazing at the trees I am reminded of talks with Krishnamurti, under the Oaks here in Ojai.

K. (as he is known) reminded us to take in the impressions of the trees and mountains. This had the effect to bring one into the Moment. There was also an awareness of taking in an impression, and that one could receive Spiritual sustenance from an impression of beauty. Artists in the 19th Century called this the Sublime.

K . used to say that our consciousness was fragmented and broken up. Indeed on a psychological level many of us are like the clay shards in an Anasazi midden (a pile of pot shards).

Self Re-Membering is the art of gluing the potshards back together and forming an altogether new pot. Something new that can with time become indestructible.

If we are not interested in Inner Work, the work of Spiritual Alchemy, none of this will have any meaning. If we do not grasp the bare fact that our consciousness is in fact fragmented, then we will have to dig a bit deeper if we are seriously interested in topics, like “meditation”, alchemy, mysticism and spiritual work. It is just a fact. But one has to see it as such. Unfortunately the nature of the Matrix, of Sleep, is so convincing, that most people never “get it”.

Fragmentation occurs as a result of conditioning in our upbringing and the maturation of the human brain. I doubt if one could raise a child as a “whole being”, without completely redoing our way of living from the bottom up. Our purpose here on Earth, or one of them anyway, is to get it right one time or be doomed to an eternity of recurrence, ala the movie “Groundhog Day”. Well if you don’t believe in Karma, you only get on shot.

What is fragmentation. It’s quite simple, if you look at someone or something, and you feel revulsion, are repelled, feel a separation, distance, anger, hatred, any negative emotion at all, then your consciousness is fragmentation.So how does fragmentation occur? Processes like labeling, stress, Judgement, negative emotions, can fragment the Self.  Our inner landscape is like a broken mirror.

So how does one escape this?  Simply by watching it intently.  If one discovers a strong sense of aversion, or separation, one can go into it.  If you keep at it, it will suddenly End.  If that occurs Energy will be freed up and one will have glued a piece of oneself back together.  Humpty in reverse!

K. said one needs “great intensity”.  Honestly it’s hard work.  Usually one identifies with one’s judgements and aversions.  I like this, I don’t like that.  But this is another way of looking, another way of being entirely.

People may not understand what I am speaking about directly.  If so, I recommend reading up on Krishnamurti, and eventually it will become clear.  It’s not just some idea. It leads to a very deep experience that defies description.